I recently had a thought-provoking conversation with a client that really got me reflecting on the concept of tolerance. It’s something we all talk about—whether it’s being tolerant of other people’s beliefs, tolerance for pain, or even tolerance for stress. But what stood out during this conversation was how often we overlook our own tolerance levels, particularly when it comes to the pressures we face on a daily basis.
Tolerance isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. It varies from person to person and, even more fascinating, it varies for each individual depending on the situation. We can have a high tolerance for social media, for example, where scrolling through countless posts doesn’t faze us. But when it comes to stress at work, our tolerance might be much lower. The question that kept popping up in my mind throughout the conversation was, Do we really understand where our tolerance lies for different aspects of life?
The Layers of Tolerance
It’s easy to think of tolerance as something straightforward—like how much heat or discomfort we can endure before we hit a breaking point. But tolerance, in reality, is nuanced. For some, tolerance can mean enduring unhealthy relationships or toxic environments because they’ve slowly built up a “tolerance” to it. Over time, these environments feel normal, even though they may be draining or harmful. It’s like building a tolerance to caffeine—what started as one cup a day eventually becomes several, and suddenly you’re struggling to function without it.
The same happens when we get used to carrying stress, toxic habits, or unhealthy amounts of information from social media. People get used to the constant hum of anxiety or overstimulation without realizing how much it’s affecting them.
Building Tolerance for the Wrong Things
The conversation I had with my client made me realize that many of us, without even realizing it, build tolerance to the wrong things. Stress, conflict, self-doubt, and burnout can gradually become so embedded in our routines that they no longer feel out of place. This “tolerance” becomes our new baseline, and it can go unnoticed until we hit a tipping point. At that moment, the cumulative effects—whether emotional, physical, or mental—come crashing down, and we wonder, How did I get here?
This is where things get tricky. Tolerating negative experiences or emotions, while sometimes a coping mechanism, can also stop us from addressing the root causes of stress or dissatisfaction. If we build a tolerance to unhealthy work-life imbalances, toxic social environments, or even negative self-talk, we may stop questioning whether these things are truly serving us. And in that complacency, we risk accepting things that we shouldn’t.
The Key Question: What Are You Willing to Tolerate?
The key takeaway from this conversation with my client wasn’t just about identifying where our tolerances lie, but asking ourselves what we are willing to tolerate—and more importantly, why.
For example:
- Are you tolerating toxic relationships or environments because you feel it’s easier than confronting them?
- Are you tolerating high levels of stress at work because you feel you don’t have another choice?
- Are you tolerating unhealthy habits or mindsets just because they’ve become “normal” for you?
The hard truth is, we often don’t realize that we’ve built these “tolerances” until we’re deep into the cycle. But acknowledging our tolerance levels is the first step in reclaiming control. By recognizing when our tolerance has been stretched too thin, we can take proactive steps to set healthier boundaries, reframe our mindsets, and recalibrate our priorities.
The Power of Building Tolerance for the Right Things
On the flip side, tolerance isn’t inherently bad—it’s about learning to build tolerance for things that empower us. Imagine if we could build a high tolerance for positive habits: self-care, healthy communication, personal boundaries, and emotional resilience. These are the things that will strengthen us and help us thrive, rather than just survive. Building tolerance for stress management techniques, for example, can help us navigate tough situations without feeling overwhelmed. Developing tolerance for uncomfortable, but necessary conversations can help us break free from toxic relationships or work environments. Even building tolerance for introspection and self-awareness allows us to identify the things we’ve been tolerating that no longer serve us.
After that enlightening conversation, I left with a renewed sense of mindfulness about my own tolerance levels. I began to ask myself, Where am I tolerating things I shouldn’t? And where can I build tolerance for things that will help me grow and thrive? As I reflect on it now, I think the real challenge is recognizing that tolerance is not static. It shifts, it grows, and it changes. We can be aware of what we tolerate, consciously decide when we’ve had enough, and start making the changes that will lead us toward healthier, more balanced lives. If there’s one thing I learned from that conversation, it’s this: knowing your limits and being intentional about what you tolerate is one of the most empowering things you can do for your well-being.
So, take a moment to reflect—what are you tolerating today that you don’t have to? And what could you start tolerating instead that will move you toward a healthier, happier you?
